something inside that I need to get out

This is kinda a weird one for me to write about: This is one of those things that you usually keep to yourself.

Yesterday was Valentines day and for some reason rings were dropping from the heavens. Now its not that I want a ring- I am not even close to thinking about that. Its something more deeply disturbing me- I want to be a bridesmaid.

WHY???

I think its because I always get B team (or no team). And this makes me think- and I a B team friend to these girls?

Don't get me wrong- I love being included as house party- but every time I get that I think I am being placed on the Junior Varsity team.

This is a PROBLEM. I know it is- and so I confess to the cyber world. I want to be a bridesmaid and it pains me that I even care. But I do {to a extnet}

And knowing competative self- I don't want to be "friends" with someone or get closer to someone while they are talking to their soon to be. I have seen this in others and am always checking my intentions- even just getting invited to the wedding- you know you recieve the save the date to post on your fridge. That's another post all together.

So to the friends that are engaged. I am HAPPY that you are, and I am sorry that I even THINK about bridesmaid stuff. I want to focus on the main thing that this is all really about....you.

to
THE BRIDE.
You are stunning- and I love the times that we have spent together. Thanks for being in my life.